How do you know if the higher powers are calling you? How would you know that God has sent you for a special purpose? In ancient times, God called men by name. He usually showed himself through dreams and visions, or beckon the person towards Him as He did to Samuel. On really rare occasions, a person could get the chance to test his mettle against God in a wrestling match as did Jacob. It’s the highest honor anyone could get from God especially if you were able to hold him out until the next day (personally, I wouldn’t even survive a thumb wrestling match against God).
Yet those days were long past. After the death, resurrection and ascension of Jesus Christ, which in itself is the greatest form of getting us closer to God, God seemed to have ceased sending visions and dreams with a specific message to people.
Somehow, the game nowadays is to look for the signs leading towards God’s calling. This could be infuriating at times since a person could be easily misled by such signs. It could be something like expecting what a person really is looking for, versus, looking at what God really is expecting you to be. I know it’s vague. It’s my dilemma, too.
While I could not get any real straight answers, I could only guess that the best thing to do is to trust. It’s the gap that could probably bridge the “what we know” and “what God wants us to know.” And while I still make vague statements, I could only blindly follow with a child-like innocence and curiosity as to where this kind Man is leading me.
To make matters easier to understand, I have been working for several months now to a hospital as a speech and language pathologist. Since internship, I have been forewarned about how some doctor’s ignorance and messianic complexes would lead them to belittle other professions (sometimes, including their own). I didn’t realize that the hospital, which I know for a fact was owned by Christian organization, would house one such kind of doctor of probably the worst kind.
I got my first patient from him. The moment he stepped foot, he went ranting about his achievements and his expertise. He even asked me questions that any doctor should know, just to tell me that he knows what he is doing. Somewhere I sensed a person threatened by the presence of “the new guy(me).” I planned to fight back and show my fangs but I thought better of it. Here was a man who already felt threatened, and here was I who was totally clueless as to why, so I didn’t see the point of baring my fangs. What really irked me was the way he already sent the recommended therapy procedure without even the factual evidence on why that specific technique could be used. I silently seethed in anger.
But whatever held me back was really strong. Learning from teachers who really stood up for what is right and ethical, I would have attacked upon impulse. Yet, I didn’t. Something inside my head just told me to keep quiet and just nod at whatever he said. I figured that he wasn’t one to take such an attack or even a prodding really lightly. Should I talk back, I have to prepare myself for the repercussions, so it was better to keep silent.
After the incident, I later on learned two things: 1. the guy was wrong. 2. the guy was not a Christian.
Call it prejudiced or what you will, but learning that non-Christians were allowed to practice within the Christian organization, it gave mixed emotions. I felt surprised by the turn out of the revelations. I also felt that the seething anger turned out to b e pity and understanding to the person’s status and attitude. It was enough for him to be the only non-Christian, but learn that a new therapist with an amusing specialty came along was just too much for him.
The same advices were doled out to me by several close friends and families. Most told me just to keep my head low and cool because somehow it would just pass. My Christian mentor even told me that the man was not a practicing Christian and somehow, it seemed that GOd was beckonig me to come closer and see the full view of the mission field I’m in. Somehow, God was showing me the gold in the coal mine. So all I have to do was to endure whatever the man would hit me with. Any harsh or rash word would be reciprocated with kindness and gentleness, even with silence if necessary. A slight pat or shove could be necessary but that was just the start.
Somehow, I do not know if these are really the signs that I need to look for. I wouldn’t really know because up to this point, I was just going with the flow. I just let God buffet me wherever he wishes me to be. So finally, is this a calling?